The Fate of SHAQ

I apologize to those of you haven't quite gained closure with THE BIG SHAQ. I know, I know, I strung you along all summer. You grew close to the story, and felt like somehow you knew him. Some of you were genuinely concerned when you read about the wind storms that threatened the big orange giant. You checked the blog regularly to see his progress. And then suddenly,,,, it was over. He froze, sat around for a month,won the competition, and that was It,it was over. SHAQ was done. No parting gifts, no funeral, no closure, no nothing! And for that I apologize.

I should have kept typing, kept telling his story, kept him alive. It's over now, and what's done is done. From ashes to ashes, dust to dust, Shaq is now manure once again. He was fed to a couple of hungry hogs owned by a local farmer. I was about to chop him up and till him under, but a thought struck me.

"Hello, John?"

"yeah"

"Do ya think them hogs of yours would eat a giant pumpkin?"

"Yep, I'll come pick it up later"

"OK, see ya"

John showed up around dusk and we loaded up the back of his Tacoma. I ran into him a couple of weeks later and he said they gobbled em' up.

Before John took him away I took out the seeds, Two hundred and sixty two of them.

And that's that. SHAQ is done. He only lives on in the minds of yesterday getting bigger and better like memories often do. Like a Dominique Wilkins dunk, getting more magnificent every time it's retold. It won't take long for the legend to spread from generation to generation with the other stories of valor. The Big Shaq- The pumpkin that has set the standard for all other pumpkins to follow. The greatest pumpkin of all time.

I think Pumpkin growing for me is over. Nothing left to prove. Shaq has moved on to greener pastures on the other side and would want it no other way. His greatness remains.

Was there any question?

Well, Today was the big weigh off. SHAQ has oranged up quite a bit over the last month of basking in the sun but has lost some weight as a result. Still, he easily won the prize, weighing in at a whopping 245 lbs. The other pumpkins are nice and will probably make better jack-o-lanterns than SHAQ, but.......This aint no freakin jack-o-lantern contest.

Final weights:
SHAQ- 245 lbs
Josh- 165 lbs
James- 91 lbs
Porter- 74 lbs

Life after Shaq?

"Why didn't you cover it?"
"all that effort wasted!"
"I'm going to turn you into the 'Pumpkin Endangerment Agency!!!'"

These were just a few of the comments I was greeted with this morning at work. The overall mood was that of disappointment, disbelief, and anger.

How could I, Mr.Trash talker himself, let something so simple as covering the plant end the growing season? Seriously? I built a freakin green house to protect the emerging seedling, but overlooked the same weather later in the year. Why, because SHAQ had grown to GIANT status? Was I satisfied with his size and became complacent thinking I had this thing won? I don't know why, but I didn't cover him up, and I must take this mistake to the grave. What could have been.

OK, enough of that talk. What's done is done. I must "man up" and live with the results.

I cut SHAQ off the vine,(more like cutting the vine off of SHAQ) and will put him in a shady spot under the deck.

Final measurements-
100 inches in circumference= ~250lbs
230 total inches=~250lbs

I rolled him onto the bathroom scale laid across some bricks and the scale read about 265lbs. I'll get a much more precise weight on weigh day.

This could get interesting

The furnace kicked on this morning and I rolled over. Three day weekends are great for sleeping in, and cool weather is great for sleeping, so why not sleep in. Another cold front passed through last night, only this one actually felt like a "COLD" front. The season is changing and I usually enjoy it. This year is a little different because of SHAQ. I was hoping for another month of good weather, and we still might get it, but it won't matter now.....
When I finally rolled out of bed I looked outside to see SHAQ and his frozen leaves. I was talking to Randy a couple weeks ago at work, and he said you know your plant has froze when all the leaves are drooping. Yep, that's what they are doing. I'll be optimistic and hope they're just playing dead. Four weeks of potential growing have turned into four weeks of hoping the competition doesn't catch up. This could get interesting.

4 weeks left

98" and he weighs about 225 pounds. With some good weather and great luck he might reach the 300 pound mark.

Cold front

There was a cold front that made it's way through the valley over the past couple of days. It really cooled things down quite a bit and dropped some snow on the highest surrounding peaks. It rained about 1/2 inch. Some people reported frost in their yards. I think the 200lb SHAQ has too much mass now to be damaged by the passing storm, and actually gained quite a bit of weight during the change. Nothing but sun is forcasted for the next week which should help SHAQ continue to morph.

He's now 94" and right around 200lbs.

5 more weeks

I'm thinking "Jabba the Hutt" might have been a better fitting name than SHAQ. His weight gain is beginning to look downright disgusting like one of those hot dog eating competitions at about the time in the competition when the competitors down the last of their fifty or so hot dogs. Don't get me wrong, I love hot dogs. Who doesn't? Cooked slowly over the low heat of a charcoal grill, smothered with sweet relish, mustard, ketchup, and onions is how I like them. I can handle about 2 or 3 if it's cooked right. These things they are throwing down their throats aren't even cooked. I think they might toss em' into a pot of warm water or something, but there's no condiments, and I think they dip the buns in water to make them easier to eat. There is no way I could eat 2 or 3 this way let alone 50!!! Pretty disgusting right? Well, that's what SHAQ is right now. The nice round shape has turned into a blob of nastiness. Who cares what he looks like as long as he keeps putting on weight. He's now 89" around, and weighs between 170 and 180 according to the measurement charts.

It ain't over til' the fat pumpkin splits

SHAQ is now 85" in circumference. He's somewhere around 160 lbs. For those of you who keep track, that's 60 pounds in 1 week. If he keeps this up I might need some help lifting him in a month. Not a lot, just a little bit.

One of Josh's pumpkins split last week. I'm not sure if it was his biggest pumpkin, or what. It's kind of hard to tell if he's telling the truth or if he's just trying to get the rest of us thinking he's not a factor anymore. I hope he's lying. It will be a shame if SHAQ does the moonwalk across the finish line looking for the closest competitor.

Still Gaining

The Dude is amazing. You can see gravity is starting to pull the weight down over the belt buckle. He's going to need suspenders soon. He's the first to the buffet line, and had to cut his time at golden corral down to 2 hours. There wasn't enough for the other patrons. Even with all the attention over his weight gain he seems to be content. He's happy with his image, and turned down a self help opportunity with OPRAH. He said he wasn't interested. Didn't need any help. Enough about "Jim" - the new guy at work. This blog is about THE BIG SHAQ

He's now almost 80" around, somewhere close to 135 lbs. He'll catch Jim in no time.

Who knew?

SHAQ is now 76" in circumference. That equates to ~120lbs. I would have taken another pic, but it looks the exact same, only I put the basketball back in the garage where it's been sitting for years. Hard to believe I've replaced hoops with a pumpkin. Welcome to middle age I guess. Who knew pumpkin growing could be this fun?

Nothing to hide

70" around, close to 100 pounds with still more than 6 weeks of growing.

High winds again

You might recall the storms I talked about back in late June. I named one Rhode Island and the other Kansas. Yesterday we were visited by Nebraska. You know that stretch between Kearney and Omaha where the wind howls and blows semi trucks over like William Perry running through a defensive line? Yep, That's what came through the yard yesterday. The newscast reported 80 mph winds through the area. There were wheat strands all over the yard, and you can actually see one of them ended up under the giant pumpkin. What a perfect place to land.
That piece of wheat was probably eyeing SHAQ for the last month, waiting for the chance to break free from it's impending doom of having it's head cut off, only to have his body fed to the cows by way of a straw bale. Now was it's chance. It rode the wind tunnel to the base of SHAQ and held on for all it had. Now it will forever be remembered as the soft bed where SHAQ grew. The rest of the wheat is leaning over as a result of being blown by the wind, or maybe, just maybe they are leaning to get a closer look at their old friend laying beneath the behemoth.

He's 63" in circumference, and should weigh more than eighty pounds by morning.

It's a good thing I took down the luv SHAQ, or it would have sailed the wind to Vegas by now.

7 weeks left

7 weeks from now the winner will be crowned. SHAQ is now 52" in circumference. Based on the measuring charts, SHAQ is about 50 pounds already. The fairy godmother called and asked if she could reserve him once the competition is over. Apparently she wants to turn him into a carriage for Halloween. Not a bad Idea.

County Fair time

"People loose interests in blogs if they aren't updated daily" That's what Becky has been telling me for awhile now. She also tells me golf tips, and she's right ever time, so maybe she's right with this too?. The biggest problem is I don't always have a lot to say other than Shaq is growing, so if you want an update on SHAQ, he's 43" at the widest point. He looks healthy, and should have no problem winning this thing unless something unexpected happens. There you go, there's your update.

If you want to read about the county fair, keep reading.

I went to the County Fair today. I saw a few people I know, and many more that I don't know. I recognized the lady from 1983 who has the awesome mullet and can be seen wearing a tank top 4 sizes too big to show off her drooping faded tattoos. You know the one. I saw 4 rat tails. Actually, one of them wasn't a tail but more like a 4"x4" patch of hair at the top of his neck. I tried and tried to remember who he reminded me of, but my memory couldn't go back that far. Where are these people during the rest of the year?

I used to rock a tail back in 83' when I was 6.

We went to the different displays. Sheep, cows, rabbits, goats, goats, goats, roosters, pigeons, goats, rabbits, goats, cotton candy, ferris wheel, gigantic slide,goats....quilts, needlework, clothing, corn, beans, peas, beats, goats.

When we entered the "Produce Barn", I immediately started looking for Pumpkins. I finally spotted two pumpkins way across the room. One had a blue ribbon on it. I wondered what the ribbon could be for. It seemed like all of the red potatoes had a blue ribbon. There were like 7 plates of red potatoes, all with blue ribbons. Maybe the judge didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings, so he gave them all blue ribbons. Who knows? When I reached the pumpkin table with only two pumpkins I couldn't believe what I read. Next to the bigger pumpkin (the one about the size of a volleyball with a blue ribbon on top) I read "Biggest Pumpkin Winner!! $20 prize" ...........What?

I cut 6 pumpkins off the vine that would have all beat this little guy. If I would have entered the contest, and if the contest was judged by the potato judge......I would have had 6 blue ribbons for sure. Oh well.

Back home I measured SHAQZILLA. He's 43" around. He's grown 23" in 1 week, and he's only getting bigger. Hey lady from 1983... Tattoo that on your free real estate just under the one of the unicorn, and as time passes you can watch SHAQ grow as you continue to sag......

Have you ever known someone who could eat,eat,eat, and then eat some more? When we were growing up my brother Todd was like that, .... and he still is. A couple years ago we were fishing and Todd made the comment that he was so hungry he could eat 10 cheeseburgers. I called BS. I told him I would pay for 10 cheeseburgers at McDonald's if he would eat all of them. When we were done fishing we went to McDonald's, and the dude didn't eat 10 cheeseburgers. He ate 11!!!.
The reason I bring that story up is because that's where SHAQ is right now. (no, not McDonald's). Unlike Todd who could eat and eat and not gain weight, SHAQ is eating everything, and gaining weight. I would say he has some serious "fat potential". He's gained 15" in his waistline in only 5 days. That's a lot of McDonald's cheeseburgers.

SHAQ steps outside

SHAQ has been cooped up long enough!. The luv Shaq has served it's purpose beautifully, and SHAQ can now spread his wings and get serious. Time to torment. I pruned off all but 2 pumpkins, and have buried the vines to keep them from reaching into protected airspace during any freak wind storms. I wouldn't want to scare innocent airline passengers. Air travel is scary enough without "Jack and the Beanstalk" size vines waving around the jet.


As soon as the cage was taken down the skies darkened and thunder rumbled. I don't know if it was a sonic boom of SHAQ emerging into the real world, or if it was the seasonal thunderstorm rolling into the valley. Either way, it was fitting. SHAQ is nasty, and doesn't need a bright sunny day to make his first appearance. It would be like having a Metallica concert in a church.

SHAQ is a full grown man waiting for the beer gut we'll call a pumpkin to weigh him down and dwarf his body.

Sixty Days Left

SHAQ is huge, 25'x 14'!!! He would be wider, but the Luv Shaq is only 14' wide. I guess it's time to take it down.
The busy bee has come and gone. He moved on to less green pastures. His work is done and the pumpkins are growing. Now comes the hard part, which one do I keep and which ones do I get rid of? Or do I keep three just so I can win first, second, and third place? I'll probably wait a week or two before I decide. Now there are 15 or 20 small pumpkins starting, and about 5 or 6 that have already been pollinated.

Show Time

Look at the top photo and you will see a hint of yellow in the center female flower. This means she is almost ready. Could be tomorrow, could be the next day.

Just before I grabbed the camera I saw a bee resting atop a nearby leaf. It was just sitting there.....waiting. Like one of those crazy shoppers who wait for hours to be first in line for the after Thanksgiving Day sales. This bee isn't going to miss out on the pollination of the year. I'm sure it can sense the magnitude of such a pollination. It will probably earn some type of recognition like induction to the hall of fame for bees, or perhaps some type of trophy- Most Valuable Bee. It's obituary will probably read "Here lies Mr.Bee, Born 2010-Died 2010. He lived life to the fullest. Accomplishments include working for the queen his entire life, pollinating countless amounts of flowers, making honey, and fulfilling his life long dream of pollinating 'THE BIG SHAQ'."

Now is the time for SHAQ to show us what he's made of. Two more months and a king will be crowned. I hear other growers talk of volleyball sized pumpkins already growing on their plants. Their plants have already matured to the state where all of the energy is being pumped into the pumpkin. Not so fast with SHAQ. I look at it as their plants being cocker spaniels, and SHAQ being a St. Bernard. Will it really matter in two months that the cocker spaniels were born 2 weeks before the St.Bernard? Doubt it. It's almost show time. With a little luck I'll be renting a crane in two short months to hoist the monster called THE BIG SHAQ.

Still Waiting

SHAQ has about 4 mini pumpkins starting. It's only a matter of time before I decide which one will be this year's franchise player. I'm debating with myself on whether or not I should take down the Luv Shaq. Maybe this week sometime.

waiting on a woman

Here is the first pumpkin to emerge on the main vine. A female flower will form on the end of the pumpkin and will be ready for pollination from one of the male flowers within a couple of weeks. Then it's a race against time to see how fat we can get him before October. For now the males will be patiently waiting for the females. I'm reminded of the Brad Paisley song.

Sittin' on a bench at West Town Mall
He sat down in his overalls and asked me
''You waitin' on a woman?''
I nodded yeah and said, ''How 'bout you?''
He said, ''Son since nineteen fifty-two I've been
Waitin' on a woman.''

When I picked her up for our first date
I told her I'd be there at eight
And she came down the stairs at eight-thirty
She said, ''I'm sorry that I took so long
Didn't like a thing that I tried on.''
But let me tell you son she sure looked pretty
Yeah, she'll take her time but I don't mind
Waitin' on a woman.

He said, ''The wedding took a year to plan
You talk about an anxious man, I was nervous
Waitin' on a woman.''
And then he nudged my arm like old men do
And said, ''I'll say this about the honeymoon, it was worth it
Waitin' on a woman.''

And I don't guess we've been anywhere
She hasn't made us late I swear
Sometimes she does it just 'cause she can do it
Boy it's just a fact of life
It'll be the same with your young wife
Might as well go on and get used to it
She'll take her time 'cause you don't mind
Waitin' on a woman.

I've read somewhere statistics show
The man's always the first to go
And that makes sense 'cause I know she won't be ready
So when it finally comes my time
And I get to the other side
I'll find myself a bench, if they've got any
I hope she takes her time, 'cause I don't mind
Waitin' on a woman.

Honey, take your time, cause I don't mind
Waitin' on a woman...

I'm thinking the split in the main vine will be OK. It looks much better after a few days of rest and relaxation for SHAQ. He hasn't had too much to worry about lately. You see, he is in the teenage stage right now. Just a bunch of lounging around eating doritos and playing nintendo. No responsibilities, no demands, and no worries. He definitely fits the "dumb jock" stereotype. He's so big and dumb in this stage of his development that he doesn't comprehend how an inch long cut in his main vine would be cause for worry. I (his overprotective parent for this analogy) am having a hard time cutting the apron strings, and probably overreacted when I saw him stumble to the edge of the field with blood on his jersey. You can see from the pics that THE BIG SHAQ is about to move out of teenage stage and enter adulthood. He has started growing numerous male flowers, and I've notice the bees are starting to "call dibs" on being the first to spread his pollen throughout the valley. For all of you pumpkin growers out there.....BEWARE!!! If you aren't wanting your pretty little pumpkins crossbreeding with THE BIG SHAQ, AKA the Big pollinator, AKA the GOAT, AKA the MVP, you better keep an eye on your pumpkin patch. SHAQ isn't only interested in winning this competition, He wants to rule the world.......anybody got any extra doritos? SHAQ ate the last bag.

Is this the END???

Here I am staring at the keyboard.........and...nothing. For once I'm speechless. I feel like a Cavalier fan hearing the news of King James moving to Miami. How could this happen?
I feel like throwing a camp chair across the lawn all Bobby Knight style. I feel like tipping over lawn mowers and rototillers and starting a week long riot in the garden. I feel like ripping out the potatoes and carrots and turning them into mulch. I feel like bulldozing the luv SHAQ and laying down sod. I feel like moving into a condo where someone else mows the lawn, where I wouldn't have the chance to screw up another growing season.
For those of you who thought the pic was of SHAQ's emerging male flowers, you're right. But look closer and you can't miss it.

An inch long split in SHAQ's main vine, and so it is with deep humility that I ask this question. Is this the END? only time will tell.

Maybe it's just a flesh wound. After all, Kobe Bryant did lead the Lakers to a repeat championship with a busted finger on his shooting hand right?

Compost Tea

I gave SHAQ a good soaking this morning along with a healthy dose of compost tea. I was curious to see how much he would grow throughout the day, so I put a stick in the ground at the end of the main vine. I took this pic tonight, about 14 hours later. The dude is amazing.

Today marks 1 month since I put SHAQ in the Luv-SHAQ. Why not light a few fireworks to celebrate?. Three more months and SHAQ will be the stuff of legends. A man among boys. With elephant ear leaves, and python sized vines he is gobbling up the rest of the garden. It's like having a grizzly bear caged up with a bunch of chihuahuas. Do you think the dogs would dare steal any food from the bear? The corn are a bunch of chihuahuas. I'm not sure if they aren't getting what they need because SHAQ is stealing it, or if he is just intimidating them into starvation. Trust me, SHAQ is a friend to no one. I only go out there in the daylight anymore.

Kansas

Yesterday it was Rhode Island, today it was Kansas. You know what people think of when they hear Kansas right? .... That's right, Dorothy, Toto, and the Wizard of Oz. The Luv Shaq was about 2 strands of duct tape from being blown into Wyoming. The swing set was tipped over, the garage door is broken, and the greenhouse is barely standing. By the time I came home the wind had stopped and it was beautiful weather, but I could tell something had came through my yard. All I kept hearing in my head was that stupid lollipop song that those little people sing in the Wizard of Oz. I walked around picking up the debris that was all over the yard. Sand box toys, garden tools, branches, garbage, dirty diapers, and the last thing I saw was something shiny near the greenhouse. I walked over and I kid you not, ...................ruby red slippers. I picked them up and hucked em' into the wheat field.

There's no place like home.

Ever seen Rhode Island?

I was out in the yard minding my own business "puttering" as the neighbor kids call it. It was like 95 degrees, and the potatoes on the ends of the rows were wilting in the heat. I immediately nicknamed them "Wilt". Maybe next year I'll be blogging about THE BIG WILT. probably not. I turned the sprinkler on and as soon as I turned around I saw IT...............

A humongous black cloud the size of Rhode Island.

Well, it wasn't completely black, the very top was white. I'm not sure why it was white but my guess is it was so close to the sun that the moisture was being evaporated and has probably since joined the gases circling Saturn. That's how big this thing was. At first I thought.."good, finally something big enough to quench SHAQ's thirst". What I failed to take into consideration was the strong winds that accompany something this big.

I had to shut off the sprinkler 10 minutes later because the water was landing nowhere near the potatoes.

I heard tree limbs breaking, I heard thunder cracking, I saw lightning flashing, I saw garbage cans being tossed like bean bags, I saw the surrounding wheat fields dancing, and I saw SHAQ. He was waving his vines above the ground as if to say "HELP"! I hurried to shut the doors, but it was too late, and the winds were too strong. I did what was next, I didn't want to come to this, but I had to. I grabbed the wheelbarrow and flipped it over on top of the big fella. I placed a 30 lb rock on top to make sure it stayed put. Close call! It would have been nice to hear a warning from the weatherman. You know, just a "heads up all you garden growers out there, we can see something massive on our radars, we aren't quite sure what it is but it looks like Rhode Island".

19 days later

The dude has gone crazy! I came home today and SHAQ was a changed man. It's like he looked in the mirror and realized he's not just a bunch of salad trying to look pretty. He's like a grizzly bear waking up from the winter and being hungry,,,......... really hungry,......... crazy MAD hungry,.................. willing to walk 50 miles to steal the snickers out of your tent hungry.
The next 3 or 4 weeks should be nuts, like training camp for the NFL. Good thing I've been taking pictures, because I wouldn't believe the metamorphosis if I hadn't seen it with my own eyes.

SHAQ the GOAT!

Here is a pic I took tonight of SHAQ soaking up the last rays of the summer solstice. You can see how he rotated his middle leaf to catch as much sun as possible. It's like he is reaching to gain any advantage, knowing the days only get shorter from here on out.

Today at work I was talking to Jeanne about SHAQ.
She commented, "Wouldn't it be funny if you actually won?"
Me:(as if I didn't hear her correctly), "What's that?"
Her: repeating herself,"Wouldn't it be funny..."
That's as far as she got before I realized what she had said. My mind raced, I couldn't believe she had said that. I needed to come up with something quick, I responded: "Yeah."
That's all I could come up with. I had never heard such a comment about SHAQ, and it had kinda put me back in my shoes a little. I didn't know what to say. I should have come up with something better than "yeah".
I know what funny is. Funny is Chris Farley in a little coat. Funny is listening to Porter tell stories about cats. Funny is lots of things, but it's not SHAQ winning. Awe inspiring, magnificent, humbling, powerful, fitting, Great, yes all of those, but not funny. Unless you think tornadoes are funny. Unless you think lightning splitting trees in half is funny. Unless you think Kobe Bryant dropping 81points in a single game is funny, SHAQ winning this contest is NOT funny.

Perhaps I haven't made myself clear on this. For all of you who think this is funny, I want you to ask yourself. How is it funny for the most prepared,gifted,and dominate specimen to win any contest?.

What I wanted to hear the first time was "wouldn't it be funny if you actually DIDN'T win? That would have been much easier for my simple mind to grasp. It would have made more sense.

SHAQ didn't decide to enter this contest to be cute, or funny. He came to dominate! He came to make a statement! SHAQ is the GOAT!

GREATEST-OF-ALL-TIME!!!!!!!

100 leaves ?

I read that you shouldn't let the actual pumpkin start growing until you have at least 100 leaves. That's right, 100! SHAQ has about 6 leaves but that is including the 2 oval shaped ones that aren't "true" leaves. I think I'll count them anyway. I also read another pumpkin blog where the guy already has pumpkins growing. It looks like SHAQ is a month or more behind. Oh well, good thing I'm not competing with him. Compare this recent pic with the last one that was taken four days ago. The 5Th leaf has more than octupled in size. You can also see the thermometer in the background. It only reads 90 today (actual temp outside is 80 degrees) but that is because it is pretty windy, and the air doesn't have time to heat up like on a calm day. Calm days show readings of 110 or more.

The LUV-SHAQ

One of my neighbors asked me what I was growing in the greenhouse, AKA the LUV-SHAQ. I told him, a pumpkin and 4 tomatos.
him: "That's it? One pumpkin?"
Me: "Do you know how freakin big this one GIANT pumpkin is going to get?"
him: "well, I guess 4 tomato plants must take up some room too."
Me: "Dude, the only reason I planted the tomatoes was so SHAQ would have something to eat before he reaches the wheat field."

I heard on the news today that there was a possibility of 70mph winds. My reaction was "yeah right"! I've kinda grown skeptical of weathermen over my life time because, it seems they are wrong more than they are right. Why can't they just tell the truth? I remember in the past planning vacation days based on what the weatherman says and being disappointed when they are wrong. When it's supposed to snow 2 feet we get an inch, when it's supposed to be a skiff it dumps. How does sunshine with no chance of rain turn into torrential downpours? It seems like the only time they get it right is when I second guess them.

One time my friends and I had planned a backpacking trip to the Wind Rivers in Wyoming. It was mid September, and there was a strong possibility of cool weather and rain. We decided to bring an extra pair of socks and bet the weatherman was wrong. After all, it had been nice weather for weeks, and we had already made all of the arrangements. We weren't going to let a little rain stop us. We were wrong. The weatherman was right to an extent. He got the rainy and cold part correct, but what he failed to do,(as a person in his kind of position should do in this type of situation) is tell us all how miserable it can be to try and sleep in ice water. I won't forget that trip, and I was one of the warmer guys.

So you can see how today when I hear it's going to be windy I think twice about what to do. I decided to trust that the luv-shaq would protect Shaq from the wind, and see what would happen. I really didn't have the time to hover over the plant all day to protect it. I did decide to take these two pictures in case the weatherman was right, and the wind destroyed all signs of SHAQ before I could come back. Later when I returned home, I heard news of a strong hailstorm that pounded the yard. A hailstorm strong enough to end a pumpkin growing season before it even really started. Sure, I could go the rest of the season with an inferior pumpkin knowing I had no chance at the championship, but this is SHAQ we're talking about, not the UTAH JAZZ! The luv-shaq held up well, and SHAQ slept through the hailstorm. Luckily the weatherman was wrong. No high wind here.

Here is a pic of the world record pumpkin- 1725 lbs grown by Christy Harp of Ohio, below is a more realistic goal, 855 lbs grown by a R Haslam of Utah. Shaq may not grow as big as either of these, but I'm sure he will dominate the competition.
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Got MILK?

While out in the yard the other day talking to the neighbors about yard work, summer, gardens, and weather, we started on the subject of pumpkins. I told them about Shaq, and how he's going to win the contest. Landon, who's 10, asked if I was going to feed Shaq milk so he would grow big.
Me: "Milk"?
Landon: "Yeah, all of the 'top growers' are feeding their pumpkins milk".
Landon's Mom,(shaking her head in disbelief) : "Landon, where do you come up with this stuff"
Landon: "It's true!, all the 'top growers' are doing it".

Landon got me thinking. I once heard that Michael Jordan would eat steak and potatoes before each home game. Each and every home game. Probably some type of superstition, or maybe just his favorite? Steak and potatoes would be my choice too. It's pretty American right? Who wouldn't want steak and potatoes if they could have anything they wanted at the snap of a finger? I'd probably mix it up with some greasy pizza or a honkin huge cheeseburger every now and then, but for the most part, I'd choose steak,,,.....rib eye, medium rare. The thing that stood out most in my mind was the steak was always 23ounces! I've had some big steaks in my life, and I've seen even bigger steaks on that "man vs food" show where that dude eats whatever anyone dares him to. I had a roommate once who would buy those London Broils that you can get dirt cheap. They would fill up the whole plate. I don't know how many ounces they were, but they were huge. A Twenty three ounce steak for MJ is probably no big deal, but before a game? Then it hit me. Maybe Jordan wasn't eating steak and potatoes because it was his favorite. Maybe he was eating it because he was the best player in the game who scored more points than the next 400 players combined, and he needed that type of food, and that amount of food to power him through the game. Let's face it, the dude was unbelievable, and exerted much more energy than a Brett Farve, or Ben Roethlisberger who both get to rest for 5 minutes before each play. Jordan needed to eat like a king because that's what he was.
If Michael Jordan, the greatest player of all-time (for now), made sure to get the calories and nutrition he needed, maybe Landon's "got milk?" question wasn't that bad of an idea.
I actually googled the milk idea and found numerous links telling exactly how to do it. One way was to make a slit in the vine just up from the pumpkin and insert a string to act as a wick. The other end of the string would be placed in a pan filled with milk. In some foreign country they spray the leaves with milk, claiming it makes the leaves stronger. I thought wind was what made them stronger? After researching the idea, I'm thinking it's a superstition, just like MJ eating steak and potatoes before each game, and just like Josh thinking the wind will make pumpkins stronger. For now, Shaq will be drinking nothing but water, and eating nothing but the best soil that surrounds him.

1 week in the ground

The Big Shaqkin has been in the ground for 1 full week. We've had 2 pretty good thunderstorms with strong winds over the last couple of days but, the shaqhouse has withstood the storms well. When I looked out to see what was happening with the yard,the shaqhouse looked like it was alive. The whole structure was swaying back and forth, and I swear I saw a large index finger poke out from underneath and give the famous Dikembe Mutombo "Not in my House" gesture. The house has evidently grown fond of the idea that it will be protecting THE BIG SHAQ until it can hold it's own against Mother Nature. Hopefully the wind got the hint and will stay away for awhile. Josh tells me that pumpkins need to fight the wind to grow strong. Maybe he's right, but I'll let him try that idea out on his own pumpkins.

June 8

I've asked around a little bit to see how other pumpkins are doing so far. Some say their pumpkins have sprouted and "growing great" if you believe that. Some say their's haven't even sprouted yet, if you believe that.

Those are basically the two different game plans.
#1. Tell everyone your pumpkin is doing great whether it is or not.
#2. Tell everyone your pumpkin is doing poorly so they count you out of the competition kind of like Lance Mackey did in the 2008 Iditarod sled dog race. This strategy worked perfectly for Lance. I'm sorry my friends, neither strategy will work this year in our "friendly" competition. The only winning strategy will be to dominate the competition from beginning to end. There will be no come from behind wins or last second chance to steal the win from THE BIG SHAQ, this years MVP - (Most Valuable Pumpkin!!)

Compare this pic to the one 2 days ago. You can see how big the third leaf has grown, and also the start of the fourth leaf.

Shaq's house

I know this house is only a temporary one for Shaq, but that was the plan from the beginning. He will ruin it from the inside out if I allow it. You see, the house is only 14'x 20'. Shaq's wingspan will be larger than that in two months. I built this to show Shaq I'm serious about his potential. While other growers throw their seeds out all "willy nilly", Shaq has been loved and nurtured. This home he lives in reaches temperatures twenty degrees or more above the outside temps, and the moisture has nowhere to go. The humidity is like 150% on a warm day. Also the home protects Shaq from the wind and deer. By the time I remove the house Shaq will laugh at the wind, and menace the deer with his ferocity. I can imagine him reaching up with his palm tree like leaves and slapping the deer away like a horse swings it's tail to discourage the flies.

Week 1

Sometime in the first part of the year when the gardens were still covered in snow, and the nights were long, guys were talking. Talking about spring fever, summertime, backpacking trips, and pumpkins. The winter wasn't especially harsh, but it was long, too long. Cold weather had made minds wander to better times. I can't remember the exactness of the conversation but it went something like this....

Josh: "Hey, me and Porter have been talking about having a pumpkin growing contest this year."

Me: "Sweet, I'm in, and I'm going to win. I grew a 75 pounder once without even trying."

Josh: "I think you must be thinking about your mamma's 75 pound wart."

Me: "Yo Mamma's so nasty she scares more than a jack-o-lantern-(lame pumpkin joke I know, but that's what came out)"

Josh: "lame"

Just then Porter walked up and we both shut up because he's never really caught on to how hilarious mamma jokes can be.

Porter: "you tell him about the pumpkin growing contest?"

Josh: "yeah and he thinks he's going to win"

Porter: "Maybe third place"




Throughout the next couple of months we mapped out a plan.

Participants will pay a $20 entrance fee.

The grower with the heaviest pumpkin will win most of the money. (2nd place will win something like $40 and 3rd place will win back their entrance fee.

Plants cannot be started before May 1

5 plant limit.

No funny business like drilling a hole and stuffing the pumpkins with lead or steroids or whatever.


In the beginning we had about 20 wantabe growers. It was easy for people to vision giant pumpkins growing during a perfect summer with perfect weather, but over time most have dropped out of the competition. Some say there's no room in the garden for a giant pumpkin, but I think they backed out because deep down in their hearts they are scared. Scared of The Big Shaq.