Kansas

Yesterday it was Rhode Island, today it was Kansas. You know what people think of when they hear Kansas right? .... That's right, Dorothy, Toto, and the Wizard of Oz. The Luv Shaq was about 2 strands of duct tape from being blown into Wyoming. The swing set was tipped over, the garage door is broken, and the greenhouse is barely standing. By the time I came home the wind had stopped and it was beautiful weather, but I could tell something had came through my yard. All I kept hearing in my head was that stupid lollipop song that those little people sing in the Wizard of Oz. I walked around picking up the debris that was all over the yard. Sand box toys, garden tools, branches, garbage, dirty diapers, and the last thing I saw was something shiny near the greenhouse. I walked over and I kid you not, ...................ruby red slippers. I picked them up and hucked em' into the wheat field.

There's no place like home.

Ever seen Rhode Island?

I was out in the yard minding my own business "puttering" as the neighbor kids call it. It was like 95 degrees, and the potatoes on the ends of the rows were wilting in the heat. I immediately nicknamed them "Wilt". Maybe next year I'll be blogging about THE BIG WILT. probably not. I turned the sprinkler on and as soon as I turned around I saw IT...............

A humongous black cloud the size of Rhode Island.

Well, it wasn't completely black, the very top was white. I'm not sure why it was white but my guess is it was so close to the sun that the moisture was being evaporated and has probably since joined the gases circling Saturn. That's how big this thing was. At first I thought.."good, finally something big enough to quench SHAQ's thirst". What I failed to take into consideration was the strong winds that accompany something this big.

I had to shut off the sprinkler 10 minutes later because the water was landing nowhere near the potatoes.

I heard tree limbs breaking, I heard thunder cracking, I saw lightning flashing, I saw garbage cans being tossed like bean bags, I saw the surrounding wheat fields dancing, and I saw SHAQ. He was waving his vines above the ground as if to say "HELP"! I hurried to shut the doors, but it was too late, and the winds were too strong. I did what was next, I didn't want to come to this, but I had to. I grabbed the wheelbarrow and flipped it over on top of the big fella. I placed a 30 lb rock on top to make sure it stayed put. Close call! It would have been nice to hear a warning from the weatherman. You know, just a "heads up all you garden growers out there, we can see something massive on our radars, we aren't quite sure what it is but it looks like Rhode Island".

19 days later

The dude has gone crazy! I came home today and SHAQ was a changed man. It's like he looked in the mirror and realized he's not just a bunch of salad trying to look pretty. He's like a grizzly bear waking up from the winter and being hungry,,,......... really hungry,......... crazy MAD hungry,.................. willing to walk 50 miles to steal the snickers out of your tent hungry.
The next 3 or 4 weeks should be nuts, like training camp for the NFL. Good thing I've been taking pictures, because I wouldn't believe the metamorphosis if I hadn't seen it with my own eyes.

SHAQ the GOAT!

Here is a pic I took tonight of SHAQ soaking up the last rays of the summer solstice. You can see how he rotated his middle leaf to catch as much sun as possible. It's like he is reaching to gain any advantage, knowing the days only get shorter from here on out.

Today at work I was talking to Jeanne about SHAQ.
She commented, "Wouldn't it be funny if you actually won?"
Me:(as if I didn't hear her correctly), "What's that?"
Her: repeating herself,"Wouldn't it be funny..."
That's as far as she got before I realized what she had said. My mind raced, I couldn't believe she had said that. I needed to come up with something quick, I responded: "Yeah."
That's all I could come up with. I had never heard such a comment about SHAQ, and it had kinda put me back in my shoes a little. I didn't know what to say. I should have come up with something better than "yeah".
I know what funny is. Funny is Chris Farley in a little coat. Funny is listening to Porter tell stories about cats. Funny is lots of things, but it's not SHAQ winning. Awe inspiring, magnificent, humbling, powerful, fitting, Great, yes all of those, but not funny. Unless you think tornadoes are funny. Unless you think lightning splitting trees in half is funny. Unless you think Kobe Bryant dropping 81points in a single game is funny, SHAQ winning this contest is NOT funny.

Perhaps I haven't made myself clear on this. For all of you who think this is funny, I want you to ask yourself. How is it funny for the most prepared,gifted,and dominate specimen to win any contest?.

What I wanted to hear the first time was "wouldn't it be funny if you actually DIDN'T win? That would have been much easier for my simple mind to grasp. It would have made more sense.

SHAQ didn't decide to enter this contest to be cute, or funny. He came to dominate! He came to make a statement! SHAQ is the GOAT!

GREATEST-OF-ALL-TIME!!!!!!!

100 leaves ?

I read that you shouldn't let the actual pumpkin start growing until you have at least 100 leaves. That's right, 100! SHAQ has about 6 leaves but that is including the 2 oval shaped ones that aren't "true" leaves. I think I'll count them anyway. I also read another pumpkin blog where the guy already has pumpkins growing. It looks like SHAQ is a month or more behind. Oh well, good thing I'm not competing with him. Compare this recent pic with the last one that was taken four days ago. The 5Th leaf has more than octupled in size. You can also see the thermometer in the background. It only reads 90 today (actual temp outside is 80 degrees) but that is because it is pretty windy, and the air doesn't have time to heat up like on a calm day. Calm days show readings of 110 or more.

The LUV-SHAQ

One of my neighbors asked me what I was growing in the greenhouse, AKA the LUV-SHAQ. I told him, a pumpkin and 4 tomatos.
him: "That's it? One pumpkin?"
Me: "Do you know how freakin big this one GIANT pumpkin is going to get?"
him: "well, I guess 4 tomato plants must take up some room too."
Me: "Dude, the only reason I planted the tomatoes was so SHAQ would have something to eat before he reaches the wheat field."

I heard on the news today that there was a possibility of 70mph winds. My reaction was "yeah right"! I've kinda grown skeptical of weathermen over my life time because, it seems they are wrong more than they are right. Why can't they just tell the truth? I remember in the past planning vacation days based on what the weatherman says and being disappointed when they are wrong. When it's supposed to snow 2 feet we get an inch, when it's supposed to be a skiff it dumps. How does sunshine with no chance of rain turn into torrential downpours? It seems like the only time they get it right is when I second guess them.

One time my friends and I had planned a backpacking trip to the Wind Rivers in Wyoming. It was mid September, and there was a strong possibility of cool weather and rain. We decided to bring an extra pair of socks and bet the weatherman was wrong. After all, it had been nice weather for weeks, and we had already made all of the arrangements. We weren't going to let a little rain stop us. We were wrong. The weatherman was right to an extent. He got the rainy and cold part correct, but what he failed to do,(as a person in his kind of position should do in this type of situation) is tell us all how miserable it can be to try and sleep in ice water. I won't forget that trip, and I was one of the warmer guys.

So you can see how today when I hear it's going to be windy I think twice about what to do. I decided to trust that the luv-shaq would protect Shaq from the wind, and see what would happen. I really didn't have the time to hover over the plant all day to protect it. I did decide to take these two pictures in case the weatherman was right, and the wind destroyed all signs of SHAQ before I could come back. Later when I returned home, I heard news of a strong hailstorm that pounded the yard. A hailstorm strong enough to end a pumpkin growing season before it even really started. Sure, I could go the rest of the season with an inferior pumpkin knowing I had no chance at the championship, but this is SHAQ we're talking about, not the UTAH JAZZ! The luv-shaq held up well, and SHAQ slept through the hailstorm. Luckily the weatherman was wrong. No high wind here.

Here is a pic of the world record pumpkin- 1725 lbs grown by Christy Harp of Ohio, below is a more realistic goal, 855 lbs grown by a R Haslam of Utah. Shaq may not grow as big as either of these, but I'm sure he will dominate the competition.
>

Got MILK?

While out in the yard the other day talking to the neighbors about yard work, summer, gardens, and weather, we started on the subject of pumpkins. I told them about Shaq, and how he's going to win the contest. Landon, who's 10, asked if I was going to feed Shaq milk so he would grow big.
Me: "Milk"?
Landon: "Yeah, all of the 'top growers' are feeding their pumpkins milk".
Landon's Mom,(shaking her head in disbelief) : "Landon, where do you come up with this stuff"
Landon: "It's true!, all the 'top growers' are doing it".

Landon got me thinking. I once heard that Michael Jordan would eat steak and potatoes before each home game. Each and every home game. Probably some type of superstition, or maybe just his favorite? Steak and potatoes would be my choice too. It's pretty American right? Who wouldn't want steak and potatoes if they could have anything they wanted at the snap of a finger? I'd probably mix it up with some greasy pizza or a honkin huge cheeseburger every now and then, but for the most part, I'd choose steak,,,.....rib eye, medium rare. The thing that stood out most in my mind was the steak was always 23ounces! I've had some big steaks in my life, and I've seen even bigger steaks on that "man vs food" show where that dude eats whatever anyone dares him to. I had a roommate once who would buy those London Broils that you can get dirt cheap. They would fill up the whole plate. I don't know how many ounces they were, but they were huge. A Twenty three ounce steak for MJ is probably no big deal, but before a game? Then it hit me. Maybe Jordan wasn't eating steak and potatoes because it was his favorite. Maybe he was eating it because he was the best player in the game who scored more points than the next 400 players combined, and he needed that type of food, and that amount of food to power him through the game. Let's face it, the dude was unbelievable, and exerted much more energy than a Brett Farve, or Ben Roethlisberger who both get to rest for 5 minutes before each play. Jordan needed to eat like a king because that's what he was.
If Michael Jordan, the greatest player of all-time (for now), made sure to get the calories and nutrition he needed, maybe Landon's "got milk?" question wasn't that bad of an idea.
I actually googled the milk idea and found numerous links telling exactly how to do it. One way was to make a slit in the vine just up from the pumpkin and insert a string to act as a wick. The other end of the string would be placed in a pan filled with milk. In some foreign country they spray the leaves with milk, claiming it makes the leaves stronger. I thought wind was what made them stronger? After researching the idea, I'm thinking it's a superstition, just like MJ eating steak and potatoes before each game, and just like Josh thinking the wind will make pumpkins stronger. For now, Shaq will be drinking nothing but water, and eating nothing but the best soil that surrounds him.

1 week in the ground

The Big Shaqkin has been in the ground for 1 full week. We've had 2 pretty good thunderstorms with strong winds over the last couple of days but, the shaqhouse has withstood the storms well. When I looked out to see what was happening with the yard,the shaqhouse looked like it was alive. The whole structure was swaying back and forth, and I swear I saw a large index finger poke out from underneath and give the famous Dikembe Mutombo "Not in my House" gesture. The house has evidently grown fond of the idea that it will be protecting THE BIG SHAQ until it can hold it's own against Mother Nature. Hopefully the wind got the hint and will stay away for awhile. Josh tells me that pumpkins need to fight the wind to grow strong. Maybe he's right, but I'll let him try that idea out on his own pumpkins.

June 8

I've asked around a little bit to see how other pumpkins are doing so far. Some say their pumpkins have sprouted and "growing great" if you believe that. Some say their's haven't even sprouted yet, if you believe that.

Those are basically the two different game plans.
#1. Tell everyone your pumpkin is doing great whether it is or not.
#2. Tell everyone your pumpkin is doing poorly so they count you out of the competition kind of like Lance Mackey did in the 2008 Iditarod sled dog race. This strategy worked perfectly for Lance. I'm sorry my friends, neither strategy will work this year in our "friendly" competition. The only winning strategy will be to dominate the competition from beginning to end. There will be no come from behind wins or last second chance to steal the win from THE BIG SHAQ, this years MVP - (Most Valuable Pumpkin!!)

Compare this pic to the one 2 days ago. You can see how big the third leaf has grown, and also the start of the fourth leaf.

Shaq's house

I know this house is only a temporary one for Shaq, but that was the plan from the beginning. He will ruin it from the inside out if I allow it. You see, the house is only 14'x 20'. Shaq's wingspan will be larger than that in two months. I built this to show Shaq I'm serious about his potential. While other growers throw their seeds out all "willy nilly", Shaq has been loved and nurtured. This home he lives in reaches temperatures twenty degrees or more above the outside temps, and the moisture has nowhere to go. The humidity is like 150% on a warm day. Also the home protects Shaq from the wind and deer. By the time I remove the house Shaq will laugh at the wind, and menace the deer with his ferocity. I can imagine him reaching up with his palm tree like leaves and slapping the deer away like a horse swings it's tail to discourage the flies.

Week 1

Sometime in the first part of the year when the gardens were still covered in snow, and the nights were long, guys were talking. Talking about spring fever, summertime, backpacking trips, and pumpkins. The winter wasn't especially harsh, but it was long, too long. Cold weather had made minds wander to better times. I can't remember the exactness of the conversation but it went something like this....

Josh: "Hey, me and Porter have been talking about having a pumpkin growing contest this year."

Me: "Sweet, I'm in, and I'm going to win. I grew a 75 pounder once without even trying."

Josh: "I think you must be thinking about your mamma's 75 pound wart."

Me: "Yo Mamma's so nasty she scares more than a jack-o-lantern-(lame pumpkin joke I know, but that's what came out)"

Josh: "lame"

Just then Porter walked up and we both shut up because he's never really caught on to how hilarious mamma jokes can be.

Porter: "you tell him about the pumpkin growing contest?"

Josh: "yeah and he thinks he's going to win"

Porter: "Maybe third place"




Throughout the next couple of months we mapped out a plan.

Participants will pay a $20 entrance fee.

The grower with the heaviest pumpkin will win most of the money. (2nd place will win something like $40 and 3rd place will win back their entrance fee.

Plants cannot be started before May 1

5 plant limit.

No funny business like drilling a hole and stuffing the pumpkins with lead or steroids or whatever.


In the beginning we had about 20 wantabe growers. It was easy for people to vision giant pumpkins growing during a perfect summer with perfect weather, but over time most have dropped out of the competition. Some say there's no room in the garden for a giant pumpkin, but I think they backed out because deep down in their hearts they are scared. Scared of The Big Shaq.